My life there and afterwards

Suppresion of youth

I have permission to include the following from an anonymous friend.

“I definitely support and confirm the accuracy of your letter. I’m not even sure if I could add anything to what you have written, except for the squashing of the sexuality of the second generation. How every conversation with the opposite sex, if it wasn’t absolutely dry and factual, and if you didn’t have a stern look on your face, was considered flirting. Flirting being equal with running someone over with your car on the sin scale.

“In theory, we were supposed to be friends with the opposite sex, innocent and clean, but how was that supposed to happen when you weren’t allowed to have a conversation? I’ve been told … that (the leader) ramped things up. Telling the young couples that sex should be only for procreation. If you weren’t trying to have a baby, no sex allowed. Couples were of course encouraged to tell on each other.

“It is my opinion that (the leader) is a sad, sad, miserable human being who wants company in her misery. Thinking about it, it’s amazing how much “being in the closet” has affected and directed the path of the C of J. First (the founders), and than (the leaders husband). Is it just a coincidence that the the first two leaders (we’ve been told) were gay, and the second leader was married (we’ve been told) to a gay man? It’s a study of how repression and self loathing can do so much damage and how wide the affects spread.

“I would also add the part where the leaders acted like pimps for the second generation. For example, I still cringe when I think of (two people). (One founder) pressured her into marrying him to keep him happy and at the C of J. There was also the pressure on the girls to become Sisters. I think (leader) knew she couldn’t keep a hold on many single girls and keep them from leaving. The solution, marry them to God! Plus, get their money, which (leader) was running low of for the other Sisters, and get a fresh, young working force. All strategic moves.”

To add to what my friend has written, above, I want to say that in my hearing, the leader used ugly, down-grading language to denigrate the act of sex, even in marriage, in order to dissuade the young sisters from longing after it. Instead of a healthy discussion on what celibacy was about, and how to deal with your emotions, she made the whole subject seem dirty and shameful. I was shocked to hear her speak so, and this was part of what was slowly waking me up to how un-Christian the life is at CJ.

Before I became a sister, and was still married, the leaders would teach on sex in the marriage, and it was always to the point that we shouldn’t do it, and it was always sin. We were never taught about the beauty of a union between a man and a woman in the state of marriage. Their teaching was repressive, stifling and from my viewpoint, un-holy.

I also remember one young couple who got caught sneaking away and had kissed. Just kissed. It was treated as a scandal, and they were not allowed to speak to or look at each other for about 6 weeks after that. Once they were allowed to talk to each other again, it was always with a chaperone present.

They were also told to look for a possible future mate within the Community. If they even considered looking outside the Community, it would have to be with the understanding that the person would have to be willing to become a member and join them at the Community. None of them did. They either married within CJ, or they left.

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