My life there and afterwards

“Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10: 43-45

The leaders said they were serving us – by being the leaders. They said it was a tremendous spiritual burden to seek God’s will for all of us, and that it wore them down to carry the burden of all of our sins. Our role was to support and help them in return. I believed them at face value. Now as I look back on it, I cannot think of any way they served me. The very few times I met with them personally, it was never encouraging or supportive of the development of my life. To the contrary, it was always to castigate me for my sin and to threaten me to shape up and comply or be put onto severe disciplines. In practice they were waited on hand and foot, literally. Some of the sisters even tied their shoes for them, and there were times they did not get up to get their own water or coffee but demanded instant service, their clothes were handmade for them, etc., etc. In short, they did not live as servants of God, they did not serve the rest of us. They lived in palatial apartments, had expensive items all around, and expected the best in food and drink.

Out of shame and guilt I believed I was a burden to them, and therefore owed them service and subservience. They said I was serving God, through the Community, but in reality I was serving them, the egoistic leaders. Once I began to think for myself I started to see this. Now that I am out from under their control, I see it clearly.

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