My life there and afterwards

About

Welcome to my blog. This is my story of my life at The Community of Jesus in Orleans, MA, on Cape Cod. This is the truth of what I experienced there, as well as my views and opinions. I lived there for 40 years, my husband and I raised 3 children there. My husband left and we were divorced, and then I joined their religious sisterhood. After all of my children left I finally woke up and faced the cognitive dissonance, the lies, the manipulation, the hurt and trauma that I was in. Still believing it was my fault, I asked for a Leave of Absence and was kicked out, at 63, with no job or home. A suitcase on a bus to Boston. I am recovering, and my new life is a joy. I want to use this blog to tell the truth about what goes on behind the glittering, beautiful facade. Please read the Terms of Use disclaimer.

I welcome comments and feedback. You can comment here on my blog page, or email me at: cbuddington7910@gmail.com
Thank you.

Comments on: "About" (2)

  1. You are correct when saying that those were good traits to learn, things like caring for the home and such. In my group they could have cared less, unless it was getting communion ready and then I had to pop all the bubbles in the juice! Seriously, yes, seriously! IT was my job and I was often removed or was threatened to be removed if any of my behavior was in question, and trust me, my behavior was in question pretty much all the time. I was under the microscope of narcissistic Don and Jean. My behavior had to be perfect in their eyes! But, as far as housekeeping, there was the unspoken knowing if we were to get a visit from them our place had better be in order. So I can relate. I do wonder though, how does that make you feel? All that perfection! How has it impacted your life today?

    • Wow a bubble poppor! Isn’t it insane the things they had us do? We had to dead-head the petunias every morning. You know how sticky those dead blossoms are? And on a dew-covered morning you had sticky mixed with slimy. Ugh! But we can’t be imperfect and have a dead blossom showing, now, can we?

      Yes, the unspoken knowing ruled my life so much. And yes, we let our houses get messy, but always with the fear that “they” could pop in for an inspection and if we were “caught” we would be subjected to humiliation and a long period of being on “discipline”.

      The way that it has impacted my life today is with the guilt and shame I struggle with. Those are ingrained habits of thinking. I am making progress, but I have to remember to counter those thoughts with the truth. I enjoy doing things well, and I wil give my concentration and effort to learning how to do anything, and trying my best. That part gives me joy. The legacy of the narcissistic demand for perfection comes if/when I start to feel that I’m not good enough, that I should have done better. Those are the thoughts that are a lie, and were hammered into me at CJ.

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